On being real

I dug up this picture the other day to show a friend how pretty Havasupai is. This is from a backpacking trip in September of 2006. It was interesting to see pictures of myself from that time… and sort of contrast where I was then to where I am now– two different places, I think. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I liked where I was in the fall of 2006, but think all experiences do serve a purpose in life.

This reflecting led to some contemplation about writing and being authentic. You see, writing is an outlet for an introvert such as myself. A way to work out thoughts and feelings. I hesitate sometimes to express some feelings because one of my ideals is to be a positive influence on the world, or at the very least, to not be a negative one (even then I fail from time to time). But that said, I think there’s value in being authentic, being real. Not in looking for anything from others, but just allowing yourself to be you.

For a moment I want to acknowledge someone who, a few months ago, asked what I thought was a thought provoking question: Are blogs just big Christmas cards? Or in my words– whether you’re talking about blogs, or even just how we interact with people in general– do we just pretend like everything is great all the time, embellishing and emphasizing the good while pretending the bad doesn’t exist? What is the real payoff in pretending everything is hunky-dory? Have you ever seen hunky-dory spelled out like that? I don’t think I have but the dictionary says I spelled it right, haha. I digress…

Before I go on, I’m not suggesting people put every detail of what’s going on in their life or air their dirty laundry online or point fingers…. and I’m not suggesting that one dwell on the negative, whine, complain, mope, etc.– it should be common sense that those things aren’t productive but rather counter-productive. It’s more about just acknowledging that things are crappy sometimes, and that that’s ok– and then trying to make the best of it. It’s about the benefit of the process of writing and expressing. In that same blog post, this person did just that– without giving much detail, expressed how they felt. Actually I can think of others who have done the same recently– been authentic without being inappropriate. My heart goes out to these people for the trials they’re facing and for being willing to put it out there.

I’ve heard it said that you can choose to be happy despite anything negative going on in your life. You can choose your attitude and adopt your own perspective (half empty, half full, etc). Some people think it’s bogus to say you’re happy when there’s plenty to be unhappy about.

I find Elder Wirthlin expressed well the idea that I’m trying to get at– about being real– in the last address he gave in conference before passing on. He shared some advice his mother had given him long ago on a day when he was particularly downtrodden.

She said, “Come what may, and love it.” He explained that it’s normal for life to not always be rosy and happy. He said “every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.”

He explained that even those who seem to be the strongest and most fulfilled still drink deeply “from the cup of disappointment, sorrow, and loss”.

I love this next part, this is kind of what I’m getting at with regards to being authentic and just writing honestly:

“How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.”

Nah, I haven’t had any great tragedy or trial befall me lately. If I’m down, it’s usually an internal struggle. I’m introspective by nature, and writing about it helps me to keep it real rather than just putting it on the shelf and pretending like it’s not there. Better to take the rough and use it to learn and become stronger.

I’ve actually heard a similar message echoed twice in the same day this week. First was a guy on talk radio who spoke of how important the questions we ask are– how unproductive it is to ask “why me”, and how rather we ought to be asking “what will I do now?” — one is backward looking, the other forward looking. Giving up the hope of a better past and focusing on making the best of the future.

The second person I heard it from yesterday was, of all people, Karl Malone. He was speaking in the context of the political arena and how useless and counterproductive it is to continue to blame, point fingers, and fight– and that instead we should set the past in the past and now be focused on finding solutions. It must be a true principle– it applies at every level in life, be it personal, business, community, nation, world, etc.

So there you have it. I started this thought process on Monday night, and here it is Thursday evening and I’m no longer in that depressed state of mind / feeling, but I felt like, if for no other reason, it was worth posting to share Elder Wirthlin’s wonderful perspective on life. His addresses have been some of my favorite over the last 3 years– give them a listen / read if you really want some insight into how to live a happy and full life.

In any case, there’s no set purpose for a blog– this is just what I choose to use mine for on occasion. And if you’re still reading this, I’m not sure whether to feel sorry for you or congratulate you, because dang if I can’t just ramble / reflect / contemplate like a champ 😉 (at least the picture was there for people with short attention spans, heh.)

Some quick links to Wirthlin talks:

• Come What May, and Love It (the talk referenced above)
• Concern for the One
• The Great Commandment (awesome talk about charity / love)
• The Abundant Life