I want to apologize if the last post was negative or seemed to be a cry for pity. I really didn’t intend that. Partly it was just the visual interest of a destroyed car– I sometimes try to get pics of accidents when I drive by, this one I just happened to be in a position to get closer up pics 😉 Fortunately there was no blood on the asphalt or stretchers to get pictures of.
Partly the post was part of a reaction. I’ve gone through a range of thoughts and emotions in the last few days. For about the first 24 hours after the accident I felt anxious and unsettled– the same feeling I’ve felt other times in my life when change had occurred, like a transfer on the mission or when I moved into a new apartment. No appetite, anxious, etc. It goes away. After about 24 hours I felt fine.
The material aspect of the incident is the least of my worries. I would have thought I’d be more attached to the car, but it’s a material thing and could never take it with me to the next life anyways. It has no intrinsic value. In fact, the negative implications of this accident are so minimal that the opportunity to learn and grow far outweigh it. Worst that can happen is to have to pay a citation (even an unjust citation) and have my insurance go up a bit for a few years. It’s money, no big deal. I guess I just think a lot differently about money now and trust God more than I did in the past. We’re promised that if we’re faithful that we’ll prosper– all I have to worry about is my end of the deal.
Many people would get into a situation and ask “why me?”
The real question is, “why NOT me?” What on earth makes me so special that I shouldn’t ever have to deal with things like this? This life is about education and even an accident like this is an opportunity to learn and grow. I learned things about auto insurance, I learned things about dealing with sudden change, my trust in and reliance upon God was tested. It’s all about perspective, seeing opportunities rather than focusing on loss or fear of loss. (As Yoda says, fear of loss is a path to the dark side 😉 )
There’s something to be said for the saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. Corny as it sounds, there are powerful underlying principles in that saying. One is the principle of agency– being a hero rather than a victim. The victim asks “why me” and dwells on things in the past that he/she cannot change. The hero asks “what can I do in this moment” and looks forward to the future with a positive outlook.
Going along with that, there are potential opportunities in any situation. For example, I’m now riding the bus to school instead of driving. Negative side is that more time is spent commuting now than previously. I have a little less freedom that way. But the question is, how can I use that time on the bus and waiting for the bus more productively? I actually find that I’m better able to listen to, focus on, and ponder talks and what not while riding as a passenger than I could as the driver. I really do look forward to that time on the bus, it’s a time that I can be learning and expanding my perspective. Not to mention I should be spending a ton less on gas this way 😉
I always come back to a saying from Hamlet: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” I would apply this to the events that happen in our life. It’s the meanings we attach to those events, the stories we create in our mind about those events, that determine whether they are negative and destructive to ourselves or whether they are positive and serve a useful purpose in our lives.
Even recognize that some hardships help us appreciate other times when we don’t have hardship. Some form of bondage can help us appreciate liberty to a greater degree. (I do wonder how much bondage the average American will have to experience before he/she begins to really appreciate the freedoms we so often take for granted).
This weeks events definitely have proved a deeper learning experience than I can express in this blog post, but I thought I’d at least share some of the insight that I’ve gleaned and try to counteract any energy leak that might have sprung from my last post 😉
Comments
5 responses to “retrospect – lemonade”
I’m glad that there was a gain of perspective on things in life. We do need shake ups (good or bad) every once in a while to make us take a step back and reflect. Wo go along with your comments on “why me?” I have come to realize instead (and basically what you are saying) is I have to ask, “What in the world am I supposed to learn from this.” From recent experiences I have grown to learn that the faster I look for what I am supposed to be learning the faster I can get through to a happier place. =)
So…. is the car totalled or are they going to fix it.
Love you tons cous!!
That’s an awesome point about “the faster you just learn” the more quickly it passes. I think we really do put ourselves through a lot more misery than is necessary to learn.
As far as the car goes, it looks like it might be fixable. I don’t know for sure yet.
I love that qoute form Hamlet….”There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
It’s sort of a motto that I (try) to live by.
dang dude. I didn’t know you got in a wrack. That’s too bad. Oh well. At least you’re insured, right? (unless you’re not . . . which would uber suck).
p.s. wow. I didn’t know you started blogging again. I had stopped even checking a while back.
You need to put a link to your “archives.” Just in case I missed something good. 😉
Seriously bro – it’s nice (and probably a blessing) that I just happen to have an extra car lying around my garage. 😉 It’s yours as long as you want it.